Published: 2024-10-17T00:00:00.000+01:00
Edited: 2024-10-30T00:00:00.000+00:00
Status: 🌲evergreen

Halloween treats, no tricks

Reading time: 3 minutes

Figured out my issues with Roar of the Flames

I finally figured out why I've been having so many problems finishing Roar of the Flames, and it wasn't a fun realisation.

One of the downsides to being a pantser (as opposed to a plotter) by nature is that sometimes you take your stories down the wrong trouser leg of time, and end up having to backtrack. Now I don't mind this most of the time, because there's no such thing as wasted words; its good practice if nothing else. It's just a little frustrating when you end up stuck on a project for over a year before realising this.

So yeah, I have to backtrack several thousand words on RotF in order to find the right story. How far back? I'm not certain yet, but I reckon I'll be chucking out a good chunk of my current word count. It's good for the story overall, but I'm gonna be just a bit salty at my brain for not working this out last year.

I'll just have to keep repeating there's no such thing as wasted words, there's no such thing as wasted words.

What's holding me back from publishing

It's been a good few months for introspection, it seems as I've also figured out what's been holding me back from publishing the stories I've already finished. And---surprise!---it's the same thing as usual: fear.

In this case, fear of judgement, I think. The stories I have in my To Publish pile all have one thing in common---being queer romances---and publishing them will represent something of a pivot in my career. Some of them are sci-fi, some set in this world, but they all feature lady-type people kissing at some point in the story.

It's not the first time I've published stories with queer romance; in fact, most of my work features LGBTQIA+ characters living their lives and loving the people they love. It's one of the things that's important to me as a writer; writing the stories that I needed when I was younger.

So it's not the queer themes that are causing the fear; it's the romance part of the equation. Because while romance is one of the largest selling genres (up there with crime and mystery) it's also one that gets a lot of flack for not being a real genre. Romance readers get accused of being childish for wanting stories with a happily ever after, and I guess I've internalised a lot of that bullshit.

Figuring out what's been holding me back is just the first step. Now I have to work through my fear so I can get on with putting out books.

General creativity news

Creativity begets creativity, that's one of the reasons its so hard to start up again when you've had or been forced to take a break.

The last couple of years have been rough, writing wise, mostly because of life stuff taking priority. I'd gotten out of the habit of creating, and I was putting too much pressure on myself every time I sat down to write. It became a vicious cycle that was gonna end in burn out if I don't manage to get out of it.

But this month I've been creating again, and it's had a positive effect not only on my mood, but also on my desire to create.

It started with drawing. Because playing around in my sketchbook feels like just that; play. It's low stakes creativity, because I don't have to try to make money from my drawings. I don't even have to show anyone if I don't want to.

I drew every day for a week, mostly doodles of my favourite Pokémon, because that's what tickled my brain meats. But the more I drew, the more I wanted to draw. I'm now halfway through an inktober prompt list and a few pages away from finishing the sketchbook I started seven years ago.

And then I started writing again. Mostly fanfiction at first, because again, that's low stakes for my brain. But then I started a new short story about a knight and a librarian. I went back to edit a bunch of old poems.

Now I'm working on Roar of the Flames again and have a bunch of new poetry simmering away in the background. Plus a new short story that's 3000 words and going strong. Not to mention a sketchbook full of drawings I 'm proud of. Creativity begets creativity.

I don't want to count all my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not going to make any promises I might not be able to keep. But the last couple of months have felt like a reawakening of sorts. The start of a new normal, if not a return to the halcyon days where I could write 250k a year. I'm excited to see where this burst of creativity takes me.